Acidman at Gutrumbles has some questions:

1. Do you have a personal hero? If so, who is it?

My mom, because she can be a bitch and a sweet, dignified lady at the same time. She puts idiotarians and mean people in their place so sweetly they think she's doing them a favor. I envy her tact and persuasiveness. Ron Paul (R-Texas) because he actually does stick to his principles.


2. What is your favorite book of all time and what made it so fucking good?
ARRRGH! Too many to list, don't MAKE me pick one! The bible is good, it has advice for all occassions. "Canticle for Leibowitz" is my favorite Sci-fi. It has many man vs. god and science vs religion scenes that really cut to the chase. Some favorites:
A lecture by a scientist to a religious order, where the scientist is explaining the spontaneous creation theory, the religious are suggesting that perhaps Genesis means that God planted various 'seeds' in creatures and these 'seeds' later evolved into the various mammal/amphibian etc. The author reversed which group believes in creationism vs evolution, and did it plausibly.
A scene where a monk is alone in the desert at night, praying for guidance. He hears a rustle in the bush, figures it's a snake or something and throws at stone at it. Then thinks & prays "You did that on purpose, didn't you God? I ask you for a sign, and You sent it, knowing I'd throw stones at it."

"Migrations and Culture" by Thomas Sowell is my favorite current-events type book. The problem with Sowell and Ann Rand is that their books make me feel like I've been lazy and not accomplished half of what I could of - which is probably true, but STILL.


3. What does “diversity” mean to you?
It means having not only a revolver, but also a semi-automatic, a shotgun, a rifle, AND an atl-atl.


4. What is the wildest thing you’ve ever done?
Like I'm putting that on the Internet. Yeah, right. The wildest thing I'm willing to put on the internet was stoplight racing. I had a '72 Chevy Malibu and raced it against an 80-something Camaro, stoplight to stoplight. Won 10 bucks!


5. Do you regret doing it?
Not really.


6. Can you drive a stick shift?
Only downhill.


7. What’s the highest speed you ever traveled in a car?
Dunno. 90 to 100, I guess. Was watching the road, not the speedometer.


8. Were you driving, or riding at the time?
Driving.


9. Which is better: snakes or spiders?
Snakes are better, because snakes are afraid of me, too. Snakes will run. Spiders don't scare, they just give you the evil eye(s).


10. What is the most disgusting thing you ever ate?
Italian lasagna, purchased at a Cuban Restaurant run by Orientals.



11. Have you ever shit your pants? Be HONEST!
No - at least, I expect I did as a baby.



12. Was losing your virginity an enjoyable experience?
No. Wasn't bad.



13. Should oral sex be outlawed or encouraged?
Neither. There are far too many nosy parkers in this world as it is.


14. Name one man with a fine ass.
There aren't any fine asses on the male of the species anymore. All the male fannies are round. I don't like round rears on men, I like flat little cracker-butts. Too many gay photographers in the media, I guess, and they are photographing for themselves, not their female audience.


15. Do you watch golf on television? If not, will you iron my shirts?
No and no. Hang your shirts upside on a clothesline and you won't need to iron them.


16. Who is Martha Burk?
Some flake who protested at Augusta for women's right to trample on men's right to freely assemble, or something like that. There have been occasions where protest against exclusion was right and necessary, but a private organization doesn't fall into that category.


17. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I'd be independently wealthy.



18. Do you eat raw oysters?
No.


19. Are you claustrophobic?
Somewhat.


20. If you rode a motorcycle, would you wear a helmet even if the law said you didn‘t have to?
In some circumstances. Probably yes for in-city driving, less likely to on the open road.


21. Name five great Presidents.
Thomas Jefferson. John Adams. James Madison. Eisenhower. Reagan.


22. Name three shitty Presidents.
Bill Clinton. Bill Clinton. Bill Clinton. . . . oh . . . William Harding. FDR.


23. Now call me fanny and slap my ass. Just kidding.
ummmmm. . . .


24. This is the 4th of July. Did you set off any fireworks?
No. Watched my neighbors' on both sides.


25. If you could have dinner and conversation with anyone in the history of the planet, who would you choose?

I HATE questions like these, where I can only pick one. OK, I'll say Thomas the Apostle. His faults most closely match my own. Second choice would be James. I'd be too shy and nervous to pick Jesus, although that would be really quite cool. Pilate would also be interesting, always feel a little bit sorry for Pilate, he seemed stuck in the middle of something he didn't understand. Richard Feynman would be a riot to converse with.